I’m OK, are You?!
I spent the past few hours reading new and old messages in various Poser forums. I was reminded of good and bad memories.
I was reminded that many people appreciated my efforts to make Poser easier to understand. It felt good to see at least one software writer appreciated my efforts in his behalf.
The negative forum posts hurt almost as bad today as they did years ago. So many people decided there was something wrong with me, and wouldn’t listen to reason. Yes, I had some challenges of my own, but I never stopped trying to overcome the problems, and I kept on creating new tutorials for years afterward. I finally gave up because it hurt to help a community that would not allow me to be a member.
Today I read a classic forum thread complaining about a different company and how they do business. Why did they bring up my name, and continue to spread untruths about me?! I don’t work for the company they complained about. I left that particular community a decade ago. It was a combination of my own communication difficulties, and the concerted effort of some professional trolls. Note that I admitted to having responsibility for my own actions. None of my haters will make the same admission.
This morning I received notice that a man had made a couple responses to my recent blog posts. This is the same man who can’t decide if he’s my friend or foe. In the past I’ve blocked him only to open up again when he’s allegedly “reformed.” This is the same man who recently asked for samples of my written works. (Nothing special mind you.)
This man responded to my “Learn to Speak & Spell” blog post by saying I didn’t know how to write. Wait but just a few weeks ago he said I possessed “College Level” writing skills, and he wanted to share those works with a friend, for his opinion.
I believe this is the same man who has been attacking me for years, on YouTube using a variety of names. He’s stated that he has no web camera, that he’s ugly and black, and no one would want to see him on camera. I’ve come to conclude this man is a troll, a liar, and doesn’t have the guts to look me in the face and spill his venom my way.
Why would someone waste so much time and energy pursuing me, creating new identities, only to delete them after he’s taken his potshots?! I don’t think I’m all that interesting to merit such attention. I try to do more good than harm. I don’t deserve to be punished.
I think some people just don’t “have a life,” even if they have children, a loving wife, etc. Why else would they spend so much time doing hurtful things?! I hate some people but I won’t waste that much time and energy on them.
When Google+ arrived, I spent a few weeks hanging out with some men from the UK. One of them had admittedly trolled me in the past, but claimed to be reformed. The others were fans. I just couldn’t understand how or why they’d spend several hours a day hanging out on Google+ when they had wives and or children in the house?! You’re right, it’s really none of my business, but I wonder.
I wonder because these people seemed so intent on meddling in my affairs, and finding fault with them. Toward the end it felt like they were ganging up on me, trying to tear apart everything I believed in, planned for the future, etc. The lowest point hit when they tried to enlist me in dragging a friend into the conversation so they could harass him again. One day they actually told me I had to honor their request or I shouldn’t hang out with them. I finally left that group a few weeks later.
One day I saw a post in Google+ concerning the same friend these guys harassed before. It took me awhile to actually realize they were harassing him. He asked for them to stop, and they refused. I tried pleading with them to stop, and they refused. I blocked all these men from any communication with me on that day.
Now some of the men are making public Twitter announcements disavowing any connection with me because I “need help and should see a doctor.” Well it just so happens that I am getting help, and I’m just fine.
I’ve been told I’m too sensitive and should develop a thicker skin. I’m working on that issue. But other people fail to realize they have responsibility for their own actions. I doubt they’ll ever change.
Once again, I’m ok, are you?!